


But You Didn't

by powblam



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Horrible smut, M/M, Might be some OOC, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 19:59:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2163303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powblam/pseuds/powblam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of this post I found on tumblr:<br/>http://aiklahori.tumblr.com/post/78748397266/i-dont-know-the-original-source-artist-poet</p>
<p>Remember the time when I told you I wanted to be in the survey corps?<br/>I thought you would refuse me.<br/>But you didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But You Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> After reading that post, I just had to write this story!
> 
> WARNING!: There is a minor spoiler in this story, I begin and end the section of the story with a * instead of a ~ so if you want to skip that part, go ahead.
> 
> Also, this was my first time writing smut... so sorry if it's very awkward or weird.
> 
> Please enjoy!

_Remember the time I told you I wanted to be in the survey corps?_

 

“Oi,” Levi called out, leaning against the brick wall behind him, “Answer the question: What is it that you want to do?”

 

Memories of my mother’s death played in my head: how I couldn't lift the beam on top of her, Hannes carrying me away while she was left in the rubble I once called home, the titan picking her up, twisting her in half so she would stop fighting, and finally taking her life with one bite.

 

I began to breathe heavily as I recalled all the lives lost because of the titans, remembering how vile and disgusting they are.

 

“I want,” I looked up, making eye contact with Levi, “To join the survey corps and annihilate all the titans!”

 

_I thought you would refuse me._

 

“Oh,” A spark lit up in Levi’s eyes, “Not bad.”

 

Levi pushed himself from the wall, and walked towards the cage I was occupying at the moment, “Erwin,” Levi addressed the commander as he put a hand on the bar, “Tell the brass I will take responsibility for him. That shouldn't be a problem, though, considering they know I could take the kid down if he lost control.”

 

_But you didn't._

 

“I accept your request. You may join the survey corps.”

 

~~~~

 

_Remember the day I turned into a titan to pick up a tea spoon?_

 

“What?!” I screamed as a familiar warmth engulfed my arm. As the smoke faded, I was able to see a titan arm with no skin covering it, and my arm connected to the bigger one, “Why now?!”

 

_I thought you would yell at me, even kill me._

 

“Ca-Captain!” I hollered down to the silhouette belonging to Levi.

 

A shocked gasp left my mouth as I looked around at my comrades: all of them but Levi were in a fighting stance, blades out and ready to kill, and they each had a vicious look displaying on their faces.

 

Levi raised his arm up, holding a hand up to halt the soldiers, “Calm down, everyone.”

 

_But you didn’t._

 

~~~~

 

_Remember when I wanted to change into a titan to stop the female titan?_

I put my blade back, and brought my hand up to my face, looking at the flesh I would need to bite in order to turn into a titan.

 

I could hear the screams of my fellow comrades as they tried to stop the female titan from chasing us. Captain Levi told us to keep moving forward, but how can I when I have the power to stop the female titan? When I can end this, and save the lives of my other comrades pursuing her?

 

With a deep breath, I moved my hand to my mouth, prepared to bite down, and turn.

 

“Eren!” Petra blurted out with a frenzied voice, “You’re only allowed to do that when your life is in danger!”

 

I was about to protest when another voice chimed in.

 

_I thought you would agree, and tell me to stop._

 

“No,” came Captain Levi’s stern voice, “If he wants to turn, let him do it,” Levi lectured on.

 

_But you didn't._

“Just choose the choice you’ll regret the least,” Levi ended his speech.

 

~~~~

 

_Remember the day after the 57th expedition?_

 

Levi took a sip of his tea, “Maybe he’s taking a shit, but the shit won’t come out.”

 

I let out an awkward giggle, letting the captain know I was listening, although the joke was a little weird.

 

“You seem really talkative today, captain.”

 

Levi glanced over at me before taking another sip of his tea, “I always talk.”

 

Hearing his response reminded me that I was still knew to the squad. I wasn't with them for long to know certain things like Levi being talkative. But the others probably knew, because they were close, like a family.

 

And I couldn't save them. I made the wrong choice, and now I have to pay for it. It was my fault that Levi’s squad was wiped out. If I would've turned sooner, I could’ve stopped the female titan. Now they’re gone, and it’s because of me.

 

“Captain, I’m sorry. If I would've changed sooner, none of this would've happened,” I apologized with my head down in shame.

 

_I thought you’d blame me for the death of the other squad members._

“Like I said earlier, we don’t know what the outcome of our choice will be,” Levi set his cup down, and looked at me, “It’s not your fault, if that’s what you think.”

 

The door opened up, and Erwin entered the room, followed by Armin, Jean, and Mikasa.

 

_But you didn't._

 

****

 

_Remember the day when you had the squad cleaning the castle?_

 

“Jean! You did it all wrong!” I yelled at Jean for his horrible job at cleaning the sinks in the bathroom (while I had to clean the toilets).  

 

“Whatever! I did a good job!” Jean shot back.

 

My eyes widened at the response, “You think this is a good job? This,” I waved my hands around, pointing at different spots on the sinks, “isn’t going to meet Captain Levi’s standards! We have to clean it now, before the captain arrives!”

 

“We?” Jean asked in a baffled voice, “Oh no, if you want to do it go ahead, but I did my part!”

 

“No! You still don’t understand! If he-”

 

On cue, Levi walked into the bathroom while pulling down the cloth wrapped around his mouth, “Oi, what’s with all this bickering? Are you guys done already?”

 

Just as I was about to answer, Horseface cut me off, “Yep! All done!

 

Levi nodded his head and started his inspection on the toilets. After some time, he walked over to the sinks and began his evaluation. A few minutes passed before Levi stepped away, with a dark look casted over his face.

 

_I thought you’d tell me to redo it._

 

“No good. Redo it.”

 

I shot Jean a look, saying ‘I told you so,’ while Jean let out an irritated sigh.

 

As I turned to redo the toilets, a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

 

“Not you, Eren,” Levi turned his attention to Jean, “Just you.”

 

“What? Why me?!” Jean protested.

 

Levi raised an eyebrow at the boy, “You should’ve listened to Eren, but you didn't. If you’re done complaining, then start cleaning.” Levi commanded as he turned to leave the bathroom.

 

_But you didn’t._

****

 

_Remember the day that I confessed to you?_

 

‘Deep breath, it’s going to be ok’ I told myself as I walked to Levi’s room.

 

I have always admired Captain Levi. Ever since I heard about how he is ‘humanity’s strongest’ I've always looked up to him. After I joined the survey corps, I was thrilled and honored to be in his squad--although I had to because of the court ruling--but that didn't matter.

 

As time went on, I began to feel different about him. I would catch myself staring at him, trying his tricks out in practice, and wanting to be closer to him.

 

Everytime he would catch me staring, I could feel my face heat up from embarrassment, and I would look away. In training, when he would show me how to fight hand-to-hand, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I would wish for it to end already, as I couldn't handle how close we would be at times. And when it did end, I would crave his touch, and couldn't wait until the next lesson.

 

My hand shook as I reached up to knock on his door. ‘It’s going to be ok, everything will be fine. Just tell him and leave.’ I repeated to myself while knocking on the door.

 

“Who is it?” The response was instant.

 

“E-Eren, sir,” I stuttered, my mouth going dry and my throat becoming tight.

 

I could hear footsteps on the other side of the door, some clicks of the locks coming undone, and the door opening.

 

There stood Levi in his nightwear, an obvious sign he was getting ready to sleep.

 

“Come in, I don’t want to wake the others up. Speaking of that,” Levi moved aside, giving me space to step into his room, “Why are you awake right now? You should be sleeping.”

 

I coughed, trying to prepare myself for what was to come, “Well, sir, I uhm,” Another cough, along with thoughts of water to help my dry mouth.

 

Levi cocked his head to the side, and raised an eyebrow while folding his arms over his chest.

 

“I know this may seem like a bad time to tell you, but I need to get this off of my chest,” I inhaled, “I like you, sir.”

 

“Like…. as in..?” Levi asked.

 

I began fidgeting with my key and looked everywhere but at Levi, “Like… as in.. a crush, or love…”

 

Levi hummed and nodded at the response.

 

_I thought you’d insult me, and turn me down._

 

“Well,” Levi started, “I will be honest here, I have had my eye on you for some time now. But.. are you sure you want to commit to something like this? I mean, we fight titans for a living. We put our lives on the line everyday. How do we know when we will die? I could die tomorrow, and so can you.”

 

I let go of my key, and turned my full attention to him, “Yes, I have thought about that, but that doesn't matter to me. If I’m with you, that’s all that matters.”

 

Levi took a step forward, moving closer to me, “Not everyone will approve of this; two guys dating. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, but do you?”

 

“No,” I spoke, clear as day.

 

“Alright, then it’s settled. Now go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Levi waved me off, making his way toward his bed.

 

I watched him make his way to his bed, “Uh, that’s it? No goodnight hug or kiss?” I questioned with a smile.

 

“Oh trust me, there will be a lot of kissing and hugging, but I’m tired, and you should be sleeping, so go back to your room,” Levi told me as he pointed to the door.

 

Before he was able to turn away, I charged forward, and embraced Levi in a hug, “Goodnight,” I whispered before I let him go, and made my way out of his room with a goofy grin on my face.

 

_But you didn't._

 

~~~~

 

_There were many things you didn't do, but you did:_

_Put up with me:_

 

“For the last time, you spin when you’re at the highest point, and you have to relax! If you’re stiff, it won’t work,” Levi nagged at me as I recovered from my fall.

 

I huffed, annoyed by the training and Levi’s constant nagging, “I am doing that! It’s not working!”

 

“Fine, then let’s stop for today,” Levi said while turning around to head back to the castle we were currently staying in.

 

“Wait!” I blurted out, “I didn't say I wanted to stop. We can stop when I finally get the hang of it.”

 

Levi made his way back toward me with a small smirk showing on his face, “Alright.”

 

_Protected me:_

 

“Hanji, I don’t like this idea. This could hurt him!” Levi protested.

 

Hanji exhaled before speaking, “I know, I don’t like it either, but that’s what the brass wants.”

 

Levi paced back and forth while I sat on the couch behind Levi, playing with my key.

 

“Eren,” Hanji said in a warm voice, “What do you think? Do you want to go through with this?”

 

“No, he doesn't,” Levi objected, “No one wants their arms and legs cut off.”

 

Hanji gave Levi a hard look, “I’m asking Eren, not you.”

 

Hanji and Levi turned their attention to me, waiting for an answer.

 

“Well, I don’t really like the idea,” I replied in a quiet voice.

 

“There you have it, now leave him alone,” Levi spoke while grabbing my hand to lead me out of the room.

 

Hanji stepped in front of the door, blocking us from leaving, “Then tell me what I should tell them. I can’t just say ‘oh he doesn't want to do it.’”

 

“You tell them that this experiment is inhumane, and we will gain nothing from it. And also, what purpose would Eren have if he can’t grow his arms and legs back? He can’t fight titans, and he wouldn't be able to turn into one. Doing this experiment will render him useless. That’s what you tell them. All I know is that I will not let them hurt Eren,” Levi ranted before moving Hanji aside, and dragging me out of her room.

 

_And loved me:_

 

It may not seem like it, but Levi is actually a very lovable person, and he likes to show it.

 

During training, if he thinks I’m in pain, he plants a quick peck on my cheek before he resumes whatever he was doing.

 

He sits by me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, except when Hange or Erwin come by. When he sits next to me, he will brush his feet against mine, hold hands, and even gives me some of his food. His excuse is always: ‘I’m not hungry,’ but I have a feeling that’s not the case.

 

I spend some of my nights sleeping with him in his bed. He loves to cuddle and kiss, but after dating for a few months, I wanted to try something else, wanted to go farther than cuddling.

 

One night, while we were cuddling and kissing, I let my hands roam his body, touching all the bumps and curves that I never felt before.

 

Levi stopped kissing me and pulled away, “Eren,” Levi warned me.

 

“Levi, please, I want more,” I nearly begged.

 

“Are you sure?” He asked me while caressing my cheek.

 

“Yes,” I replied with a firm nod.

 

With that, he began kissing me again, and gently pushed me back to climb on top of me. Our hands moved quickly to remove the clothes in our way as our kisses became more sloppy and heated.

 

Soon his lips were on my neck, making dark marks that would last for days and show others that I was his. Levi moved down, planting kisses anywhere he could, mapping out my body with his mouth.

 

Gentle hands prepared me, making me squirm and let out noises I didn't know I could make.

 

“Levi!” I moaned, wanting him, wanting more.

 

He hovered above me, and gave me a gentle kiss, “You ready?”

 

I nodded my head, tugging at his hip with my legs impatiently. Gaining my approval, he entered, letting out grunts as he pushed deeper. Pained noises escaped my mouth that I tried to hold back.

 

Levi kissed me as I adjusted to him and I let out small whimpers while his tongue moved around mine, battling for dominance I soon gave to him.

 

He moved his hips slowly to not hurt me, but soon his thrusts became faster and more frantic as my moans grew louder. Levi sat up, and re-gripped my hips, searching for something.

 

One thrust had me arching my back and nearly screaming as a wave of pleasure came over me.

 

“Found it,” Levi laughed.

 

I dug my nails into his shoulders as he hit that same spot again, “M-more! There!” I begged, wanting to feel that same sensation.

 

Over and over he hit my sweet spot, and I turned into a screaming mess, chanting Levi’s name repeatedly while my hands found purchase on his back, scratching deep marks anywhere I could.

 

“Shit!” Levi hissed while grabbing my hands, and pinning them down next to my head to intertwine our fingers. His breathy moans soon turned into low ones, and he gripped my hands hard as his thrusts increased in speed.

 

“I’m gonna… gonna!” I tried speaking, but was too far gone to make a simple sentence.

 

“Come for me, Eren,” Levi whispered into my ear, and with a bite on my earlobe I came, calling out Levi’s name like it was the only word I knew.

 

Levi let out a breathy ‘Eren,’ as he filled me, before his thrusts slowed down.

 

Levi pulled out of me, and quickly got up to get a washcloth to clean us up. After throwing the washcloth in the hamper, he joined me back in his bed and held me close to him.

 

“I love you,” I found myself confessing.

 

Levi cupped my face with his hands, bringing my head up to look at him, and bumped our foreheads together, “I love you too,” He replied.

 

A smile managed to make its way onto my face before I fell asleep in his arms.

  
~~~~

 

_You did so much for me. There were so many things I wanted to make up to you,_

 

I gave Erwin a look of confusion as he told me the news, “So, I won’t be going along on the expedition?”

 

“Yes, right now you are very valuable to us, and we cannot risk losing you. So in order to keep you safe, I decided to keep you here, while we go out. This is a small expedition that shouldn't take more than a day.” Erwin explained to me and Levi.

 

“Alright, I understand,” I responded while Levi squeezed my hand.

 

“Good,” Erwin turned his attention to Levi, “Be ready by tomorrow morning. We should be back by nightfall.”

 

~~~~

 

Morning came, and I was up early along with Levi so I could say goodbye before he left.

 

“Is my horse ready?” Levi asked me as we walked outside the castle.

 

I nodded my head, “Yep, he’s all ready to go.”

 

“Good, I’ll see you tonight, OK?” Levi looked up at me while he placed his hand on my cheek.

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then,” I whispered as I leaned down to give him a kiss.

 

The kiss turned from a simple peck to a deep passionate kiss that left us both breathless when we pulled away.

 

“OK, I have to go now,” Levi said with one final peck.

 

I watched him climb onto his horse, and with a wave, he bid farewell. I waved back, and watched as his silhouette got smaller and smaller before I couldn’t see it anymore.

 

_When you returned from the expedition,_

The sun was setting as I made the bed in one of the other rooms of the castle. Everything was quiet since I was the only one in the building, and I had nothing else to do, so why not clean?

 

I dropped the sheet I was about to lay on the bed when I heard hoofs echoing off the ground outside. I sprinted outside to welcome back the squad, and Levi.

 

I raised an eyebrow when I saw Hanji and Erwin approaching along with the squad, and a cart being pulled behind them. When they got off of their horses, I greeted them with a smile, but my eyes were searching the small crowd for Levi, who I couldn't find.

 

‘Maybe it’s because he’s short, that’s why I can’t see him,’ I joked to myself while Hanji and Erwin walked toward me.

 

“Hello commander, and Hanji. How was the expedition?” I asked to cover up my growing anxiety.

 

Erwin and Hanji looked at each other, Erwin nodding his head before Hanji spoke up, “Not good.”

 

“Why’s that? What happened?” I questioned quickly.

 

“There were a lot of new soldiers with us,” Erwin started speaking, “And they were goofing off when a group of titans came along. Instead of fighting the titans like they should’ve done, they ran away, leading the titans to us. Levi saw this, and initiated battle,” Erwin informed me.

 

“What happened to Levi?” I spit out as I grew frustrated at how long this was taking.

 

Hanji decided to continue the story, “One of the titans grabbed Levi’s wire as he was flying around, and threw him down to the ground. By that time, we were there and killed the titans, but when we found Levi… He wasn't breathing.”

 

My body began to shake and I could feel tears threatening to come out, “No… He’s not… You guys saved him, right?”

 

“Eren,” Erwin began, “He didn't make it. He died instantly.”

 

“No… No!” I cried, “You guys are lying! No, he can’t be!”

 

Hanji grabbed my hand, and led me over to the cart that was covering something--or someone, “If you want to look, that’s fine, but we aren't lying,” Hanji’s voice cracked as tears covered her cheeks, “We were able to bring him back home, to you.”

 

With a shaky hand, I pulled the white sheet up, revealing what I didn’t want to see: A pale, lifeless body with raven colored hair, and dried blood coming from his mouth.

 

I quickly climbed into the cart, and picked Levi up, cradling his head and chest in my arms as I ran my fingers through his hair, “Levi… Levi no! You were suppose to come home, remember? You said you would be back! Levi!” I cried into his chest, holding onto him and feeling how cold he was. There, I mourned the loss of my comrade, my captain, my best friend, and my lover.

  
_But you didn't._


End file.
